The Jonas Brothers are one of the newest Disney turnouts, aside Miley Cyrus as Hannah Montana. Rising from small recognition in childhood, the three oldest sons of the Jonas family have come together to form a pop punk band. Kevin, Joe, and Nick are the idols of tween girls worldwide. It's too bad their music just can't measure up to their popular image.
Disney is known for turning out crappy child stars that are pushed into their undeserved careers far too early. Past press hits have included Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff, with Vanessa Ann Hudgens and Miley Cyrus hot on their tails. Disney stars tend to have connections in the showbiz industry, little talent, and an image that can attract impressionable pre-teens. The Jonas Brothers are a departure from the sugar-coated girl image that Disney usually sticks with, but they are garnering even more recognition and popularity than the last four stars combined.
I chose to discuss "SOS," an early JB hit, this week as a departure from my usual tasteful discussion of quality music. My younger sister Emily, 13, is a JB fanatic. By that, I mean that she has a mural of their faces painted in neon colors across one of her bedroom walls (the rest of the room, ceiling included, is covered in posters). Crap pop music is blasting from her speakers every day without fail. I decided to give her "music," if you can call it that, a chance. It failed miserably.
The lyrics to "SOS" follow:
Told you I made dinner plans
For you and me and no one else
That don't include your crazy friends
Well I'm done
With awkward situation's empty
conversations
Oohh This is an S.O.S.
Don't wanna second guess
This is the bottom line
It's true
I gave my all for you
Now my heart's in two
And I can't find the other half
It's like I'm walking on broken glass
Better believe I bled
It's a call I'll never get
So this is where the story ends
A conversation on IM
Well I'm done with texting
Sorry for the miscommunication
Oohh This is an S.O.S.
Don't wanna second guess
This is the bottom line
It's true
I gave my all for you
Now my heart's in two
And I can't find the other half
It's like I'm walking on broken glass
Better believe I bled
It's a call I'll never get
Next time I see you
I'm giving you a high five
Cuz hugs are overrated just FYI
Oohh This is an S.O.S.
Don't wanna second guess
This is the bottom line
It's true
I gave my all for you
now my heart's in two
Oohh This is an S.O.S.
Don't wanna second guess
This is the bottom line
It's you
I gave my all for you
now my heart's in two
And I can't find the other half
It's like I'm walking on broken glass
better believe I bled
It's a call I'll never get
These lyrics are horrible. All they focus on is the cultural preoccupation with electronic communication, and stupid, immature relationships. Nick, the lead singer, whines for a full three minutes all about how he and his "girlfriend" are too immature to face one another and talk about their relationship. The brothers detail how they are brokenhearted and bleeding from glass shards, but I sincerely doubt it. I am in more pain from listening to this song than they are from experiencing it. Songs like this, "fluff" songs about nothing, are the worst kind. They not only appeal to, but are targeted towards the masses that will eat up a pretty face and a simple melody. There is nothing respectable about any of the Jonas Brothers' music. It is a waste of time and recording studios.
The band's overall sound is terrible. I found it almost impossible to distinguish between songs when I picked "SOS." The guitar sounds like it is coming out of a synthesizer. Of course, the riff is so simple that a baby could play it. The rest of the song actually is synthesized. And it's horrendous. It causes me physical pain to listen to fake music combined with whining tweenage boys talking about "love" that they've clearly never experienced. Personally, I find it hilarious that the brothers want to attend Berklee College of Music in Boston, MA, (a school that I am applying to) because they have no talent whatsoever. As for the pretty face, well . . . see the picture above and decide for yourself. My final assessment is that the Jonas Brothers are a subpar, worthless band that does not deserve a listen.
If you would like to be bleeding from the ears in under three minutes, click this link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JUvbJekM88
